Saturday, September 29, 2012

Thank Goodness For This Highly Original, Thoughtful and Excellent Sci-Fi Film: Our Review of "Looper" (2012)

Directed By: Rian Johnson 

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Jeff Daniels

Rating: R for strong violence, language, some sexuality/nudity, and drug content

Run Time: 1 hour, 58 minutes

Synopsis: In the future, time travel exists but is illegal. Only the mob uses it to send marks back in time to be killed by specialized assassins called Loopers. When they want to end their contracts with their assassins, they send their older versions back to be killed by their younger versions, a practice called “closing the loop.” One looper named Joe (Gordon-Levitt) fails to do so when he recognizes his older self (Willis), accidentally letting himself escape, causing a man-hunt and possible catastrophic changes to the future.


Andrew: Hello readers! Last night Sarah and I caught an evening showing of this weekend’s highly-anticipated science-fiction movie Looper, directed by Rian Johnson and starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Dark Knight Rises), Bruce Willis (Moonrise Kingdom) and Emily Blunt (The Five-Year Engagement).

To quickly set it up, JGL plays Joe, a specialized assassin called a “looper” living in Kansas circa 2044. As Joe says in the movie, time travel hasn’t been invented yet but by 2074 it will have been and will be illegal so the only people who use it are the mafia. They send back their marks to 2044 where Joe and his fellow loopers wait for them and kill them immediately upon arrival.

One day, though, Joe hesitates to kill his mark because he recognizes him as his future self, who then escapes and the film sort of becomes a hunt between the two, though Older Joe ends up having an alternate agenda as well. We don’t want to say too much because the beauty of this movie was that…

Sarah: The marketing didn’t give, really, ANY of the story away. They lead you to believe the film is one way when it’s actually quite different, in my opinion at least.

A: Yeah, so props to people on the blogosphere and the film’s marketing department for not spoil anything. (More after the jump)

One of the best and most pivotal scenes in Looper between Old Joe (Willis) and Young Joe (Gordon-Levitt) takes place in this diner, prominently featured in the film's marketing.

Friday, September 28, 2012

It's a Kind of Magic, And We're Glad We Saw It: Our Review of "Queen - Hungarian Rhapsody: Live in Budapest '86" (2012)

Andrew: Hello readers! Sarah and I went to a smaller movie theatre in West Hartford last night to catch a limited engagement showing of a documentary/concert film about my favorite band of all-time, the British rock band Queen, called Queen – Hungarian Rhapsody: Live in Budapest ’86. Sarah, we didn’t even see a trailer for this, it was more of a promo that showed before the showing of Cosmopolis we saw. It caught my eye for obvious reasons and so I looked it up and discovered it’s only showing in limited theatres around the globe (you can find all the listings on Queen’s official site here: but sadly, thankfully we caught the last day of showing in the United States. I knew I wanted to see this, I thought we had missed it because the promo we saw said they were only doing two showings last week and we missed them both, but thankfully I checked their official site and saw there was one more.

Freddie Mercury, lead singer of Queen, electrified the Hungarian crowd during their 1986 concert in Bulgaria, which was filmed for this documentary/concert film.

The structure of the film was pretty simple – the first twenty minutes or so is a straight-up mini-documentary using behind-the-scenes and interview footage with the band as they talk about writing songs for the movie Highlander(more after the jump)

Our Preview of This Week's New Releases (for Friday, September 28th)

Andrew: Hello readers! We're back with another weekly preview (sorry for them being sporadic lately) and boy is this one a doozy. We have a few wide release films coming out such as the new Maggie Gyllenhaal and Viola Davis film Won't Back Down; the Anna Kendrick led a cappella film Pitch Perfect; a new animated kids film in time for Halloween, Hotel Transylvania; and most importantly, one of the most highly-anticipated science-fiction films to come along in quite a while - the Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Bruce Willis time travel film Looper.

Sarah, I want to kick things off with the one we're most excited about, and that's Looper. It's directed by Rian Johnson, who isn't very well-known to the general public but he started to make a name for himself with 2005's high school noir film Brick (also starring JGL), 2008's The Brothers Bloom, and a couple of well-received episodes of AMC's Breaking Bad. The exciting thing about Johnson, to me, is that he wrote the film as well and it has a killer set-up. (More after the jump)

Official Trailer for Looper

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Gritty, Funny and Genuine, One of the Best Buddy Cop Movies We've Ever Seen: Our Review of "End of Watch" (2012)

Directed By: David Ayers (Street Kings)

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Peña, Anna Kendrick

Rating: R for strong violence, some disturbing images, pervasive language including sexual references, and some drug use

Run Time: 1 hour, 49 minutes

Synopsis: Taylor (Gyllenhaal) and Zavala (Peña) are partners on a South Central squad of the LAPD. After pulling over a person of interest, they discover a Mexican gang might be into running drugs and more for a Mexican cartel. When they can't let their personal investigation go, they wind up getting on the cartel's bad side.


Andrew: Hello readers! Sarah and I hit up our local theatre for the second night in a row, this time to catch this past weekend’s new R-rated cop drama End of Watch. It stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Peña as partners on the South Central beat for the LAPD and is written and directed by David Ayers who wrote Training Day and S.W.A.T., so we know Ayers is familiar with this genre.

This is a film that I personally was looking forward to because of Ayers’ pedigree, because of the lead actors and because the trailers made it look like it was going to be a damn good cop drama. I’m not sure what your thoughts were going in because we weren’t able to do a weekly preview, so what were your thoughts going in to End of Watch?

Sarah: I didn’t have high hopes for this one going in. I don’t think Jake Gyllenhaal is a great actor, I think he does well in the roles that he’s picked for, but he does seem to fit well in the military or police officer role pretty well. So I’ll give him that.

Other than that I didn’t have high expectations. I haven’t really liked Michael Peña that much since Crash, which I think was an amazing role, but I have to say that I was very impressed with End of Watch.

I loved the way that it was filmed. It was filmed partially in point-of-view camera and sometimes it’s not but it’s still meant to feel that way…

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Masterful Lead Performances, But Not Enough to Be a Modern Classic: Our Review of "The Master" (2012)

Directed By: Paul Thomas Anderson (There Will Be Blood)
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams
Rating: R for sexual content, graphic nudity and language
Run Time: 2 hours, 17 minutes
Synopsis: After coming home from WWII in the Pacific, Freddie Quell (Phoenix) becomes a drifter, never quite holding on to a job and constantly staying drunk. One night he stumbles across an intellectual named Lancaster Dodd (Hoffman) who has created a faith-based organization called The Cause alongside his wife (Adams). Dodd makes Quell his right-hand man, but as The Cause grows, so does the tension between the two men.
Andrew: Hello readers! Last night Sarah and I hit the local multiplex to see one of this year’s most anticipated dramas – The Master, starring Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. Written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, this is his first film since 2007’s critically acclaimed There Will Be Blood, for which Daniel Day-Lewis won the Best Actor Oscar.
This movie is getting a lot of Oscar buzz for the three leads. Phoenix plays Freddie Quell, a WWII vet who comes home from the Pacific and has no direction in life in addition to probably being crazy. Hoffman plays Lancaster Dodd, the leader of a group (Religion? Cult?) called The Cause, who comes across Freddie and takes him under his wing. And Adams plays Dodd’s doting wife who is much more than she appears at first.
Sarah, this is a film I’ve been looking forward to because the three leads. I was not a big fan of There Will Be Blood (I liked No Country For Old Men way better that year) and Boogie Nights is about the only P.T. Anderson film I would consider buying. I don’t know how you felt towards seeing this, but that we have, what are your thoughts on The Master?

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

This Fall's TV Shows We're Looking Forward To Most!

Andrew: Hello readers! We know we've been a little slow on posting new reviews, trailers or movie news, and this week will be the return of us doing those things on a regular basis. But we couldn’t go see a movie last night to review because it was a magical day - the return of our favorite television sitcom, How I Met Your Mother! So instead of doing a review, we're going to do something a little different and do a TV Preview and talk about what shows we're looking forward to the most this year, whether it's a returning show or a new one.

Sarah, there are a ton of shows I'm looking forward to this season, some of which I know you have no interest in, and there's definitely some shows you're looking forward to that I have no interest in. Let’s go through them one at a time starting with…

How I Met Your Mother (CBS)

Sarah: Since this could be the second to last season of our most beloved five friends, this season is very important. We are seeing more people fall in love and could possibly meet "the mother" by the end of this season! Tonight will be like a small holiday for us. I will be interested in seeing who all they bring back as far as love interests for Ted and Barney. But let's be honest, it is all going to rock so hard!!!

A: I'm definitely interested to see where they go with Ted's decision to run away with his former love interest, Victoria. I'm hopeful he realizes the errors of his ways recently, but let's be honest - Josh Radnor's Ted has always been the least likable of the main characters. Neil Patrick Harris' Barney is the one we care about the most and we were very happy with the revelation of who he's going to marry, so I'm most curious about how he gets to THAT point more than I care about Ted meeting the titular mother.

S: It will be interesting, especially since I think we will see Nora again before we get Barney down the aisle. Ahhh it's all so exciting!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Eastwood's Latest Swings and Misses: Our Review of "Trouble With The Curve" (2012)

Directed By: Robert Lorenz

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Amy Adams, Justin Timberlake, John Goodman

Rating: PG-13 for language, sexual references, some thematic material and smoking

Run Time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

Synopsis: Gus Lobel (Eastwood) is a long-time scout for the Atlanta Braves whose eyesight is starting to fail, is on the verge of losing his job, and is sent to North Carolina to scout a highly-touted prospect just days before the draft. Gus's daughter, Mickey (Adams), joins her father on his scouting trip to possibly help save his job while risking hers, maybe get closer to her gruff father, and meet another scout (Timberlake) who takes a liking to her.


Andrew: Hello readers! We have Sarah’s mother visiting us this weekend and so to entertain her we hit up the local AMC to catch a showing of this weekend’s new baseball drama Trouble With The Curve. This is a film that we’ve seen the preview for a number of times and have been somewhat looking forward to it, mainly because it looks like it has a good cast in Clint Eastwood (Gran Torino), Amy Adams (The Fighter) and Justin Timberlake (The Social Network).

Trouble With The Curve is directorial debut of Robert Lorenz, who is Eastwood’s longtime assistant director, which makes this the first movie Eastwood has acted in that he didn’t also direct since 1993’s In The Line of Fire. So it’s been a while.

All that said, now that we’ve seen Trouble With The Curve, what did you think of it Sarah?

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Good Friends, Horrible People: A Two Tickets For... Video Review of "Bachelorette" (2012)

Andrew: Hello readers! The past couple of months have been pretty busy for us here at Two Tickets For... in regards to our day jobs, so we've just now been able to get back to a regular schedule. So with that in mind, due to popular demand, we're back to doing video reviews! So check out the video below for our latest on the R-rated comedy Bachelorette!

(We apologize both for the 10 minute length of the video and the fact that we're wearing matching shirts. We'll cut down the length of future video reviews, and promise not to film ourselves wearing the same shirts EVER again.)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The First Full-Length Trailer for "Lincoln" is Online!

Andrew: Well it’s finally here, Sarah - the first full-length trailer for Steven Spielberg’s long-awaited Abraham Lincoln biopic starring Daniel Day-Lewis in the title role. Check it out!

So what are your initial impressions?

Sarah: I’m a little concerned about it. I think that I’m afraid it will be a little too much like War Horse.

A: What do you mean by that?

S: I just mean, is it going to be another life story that doesn’t have any real point to it? Is it going to give us a new look into Abraham Lincoln’s life? What is Spielberg going to bring us that we haven’t seen or read about before?

A: I think that’s fair. My concern about it is that Spielberg could possibly make it a generic bio-pic that just happens to have a fantastic cast and a generic John Williams score. So yeah, I guess I agree with you in that particular concern. That said, if there’s a director who can make this an instant classic, it’s Spielberg. The man knows how to shoot war scenes and Daniel Day-Lewis is probably going to be the leading candidate for this year’s Best Actor Oscar.

S: The cast looks phenomenal and it’s a cast I won’t worry about overshadowing one another. I think we have some heavy-hitters that have been around the block a while as well as some younger stars like JGL, so I think the cast is going to just knock it out of the park.

A: Completely agreed. I think my expectations for Lincoln are just a little tempered because we weren’t so hot on War Horse. Hopefully we get vintage Spielberg!

Lincoln also stars Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Robert Todd Lincoln, Jared Harris as Ulysses S. Grant, and Tommy Lee Jones as Thaddeus Stevens. Lincoln hits theatres on November 9th. (Holy crap November 9th is gonna be an awesome weekend for movies what with Lincoln AND Skyfall coming out!)

Courtesy: YouTube, Fox Twentieth Century

Our Preview of This Week's New Releases (For Friday, September 14th)

Andrew: Hello readers! It's been a while since we've done our weekly preview, but now that our schedules are back to normal (or close to normal) we can get back to making sure we do one of these every week! That said, this particular weekend doesn't have a whole lot in regards to brand-spanking new films coming out. The only one that fits that bill is the fifth installment in the Resident Evil franchise, Resident Evil: Retribution. However, I'd argue that the biggest release this weekend is actually a 3D re-release of a very beloved Pixar film, wouldn't you agree Sarah?

Sarah: I would! Resident Evil definitely has it's fans, and it will make a lot of money from the people who have been so excited for it to come out, but Finding Nemo will definitely draw the crowds. There are also a lot of kids that never got to see this movie in the theatres, so this is a great chance to see such a beautiful movie on the big screen. I'm not usually a huge fan of the movies that are transitioned from 2D to 3D after the fact, but I actually think that Nemo will have a very easy transition. What do you think?

A: Well I have to state, first off, that Finding Nemo is in my top three as far as all the Pixar films go. It's only behind The Incredibles and Toy Story 3, so take that for what it's worth. Secondly, I agree with you that I'm usually skeptical of a film being post-converted into 3D but animated films like Finding Nemo are the exception.

Official Trailer for Finding Nemo 3D

That's because Pixar films are computer-generated so everything on the screen was actually rendered in 3D on a computer to start with. So it's not like they're going back and having to cut out every single thing frame by frame and post-convert it like they did for Beauty and the Beast. It's going look way more natural, like when we saw Madagascar 3 earlier this year.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

For a Movie About Books, The Storytelling is Quite Weak: Our Review of "The Words" (2012)

Directed By: Brian Klugman & Lee Sternthal

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Zoe Saldana, Jeremy Irons, Dennis Quaid, Olivia Wilde

Rating: PG-13 for brief strong language and smoking

Run Time: 1 hour, 37 minutes

Synopsis: Clay Hammond is a celebrated author and has a new book called "The Words" about a struggling writer named Rory (Cooper) who finds an old manuscript, publishes it as his own and is then confronted by the true author of the story (Irons). During a public reading of his novel, Hammond catches the attention of a student (Wilde) who wants to know more about the book.


Andrew: Hello readers! Sarah and I caught a late afternoon showing of The Words yesterday afternoon. Starring Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), Zoe Saldana (Star Trek), Jeremy Irons (Die Hard: With a Vengeance), Dennis Quaid (The Parent Trap) and Olivia Wilde (Tron: Legacy), this is a movie whose trailer we have seen a million times…

Sarah: Both in actual trailer form and with those AMC “First Look” things they play before movies. So we’ve been seeing about this movie forever.

A: And it didn’t come out wide until just recently (or at least didn’t hit our neck of the woods until recently) and is one that had our interest. Now that we’ve seen it I have to say…I’m having trouble deciding how I feel about this movie. Because there are parts of it that I really liked and then there’s one large thing about it that total irks me and it’s throwing things up in the air for me.

S: I definitely have mixed feelings on it, too.

A: The primary reason for those mixed feelings, for me, is that in all the trailers and everything else we’re lead to believe that the movie is about Bradley Cooper’s Rory, who’s an aspiring novelist that has been rejected a few times and finds a manuscript in an old briefcase while in Paris, he decides to publish the manuscript as his own and is eventually confronted by an old man, played by Jeremy Irons, who actually wrote the manuscript. We’re lead to believe that’s what the main story is about and we never really know from the trailers how Dennis  Quaid and Olivia Wilde play in to the plot.

Well the hook that’s throwing me for a loop is that  Quaid plays a famous novelist named Clay Hammond who has written a book called “The Words” and it turns out that Rory, his wife Dora (Saldana) and Iron’s Old Man (he’s never given a name) are characters in Hammond’s book. So it’s a storytelling device and it’s completely thrown me.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

5 Reasons Why: We Should Be Allowed to get You Kicked Out of the Theatre

Hello readers! So we have talked about this in several different posts, but tonight was the tipping point thanks to a particularly boisterous couple that wouldn't sit down or shut up.  Theatre etiquette is important, people. So here it is, the 5 Breaches of Theatre Etiquette that we believe are grounds for us to go get management and kick your butts out of a movie.

Sarah: I understand wanting to have a nice night out at the movies with your loved one and when kids are in the mix it can get near impossible. But when it comes to bringing a child to a late movie in the hopes that they will fall asleep, that's just plain dumb. Likewise, bringing a toddler to an rated-R movie is also dumb. If you think for a second they aren't picking up on the bad language and sex scenes then that's just silly! We have had experiences with both; an infant at an 11pm showing of The Hunger Games and a 4-year-old at a 10:30pm showing of That's My Boy.

Andrew: Don't get us wrong, we understand that when you have a young child and you want to see a new movie that it may be hard to find a baby-sitter for them. And yes, we're in our early to mid-20's and don't have any kids, so this may sound like we're speaking out of turn. But if you HAVE a young child and can't get a baby-sitter or some sort, then don't go see that movie! It's a sacrifice you have to make as an adult. Someday we'll have to do the same, and when that day comes we'll deal with the same situation. Until then, if you can't get a baby-sitter maybe think about looking into whether your local movie theatre has a program similar to AMC's Bring Your Baby Matinees. Until then, if you bring your child to a late-night movie or an R-rated film and that bugger runs around or keeps asking questions about what's going on, we won't be pleased and we're sure we won't be the only ones.

S: This actually bothers Andrew more than it does me but I can understand how the constant chewing can get irritating.

A: Ok, this one might be a little more ticky-tacky than all the others, but seriously. Close your mouth when you chew. If I have hear you eating your popcorn from the other side of the theatre then you're doing it wrong and your mother should have taught you proper eating manners. Oh, and if you bring food from home (because who doesn't sneak in food?) and it stinks up the joint then we definitely have the right to complain to management. Thems the breaks.

S: This is just plain rude. This isn't your house. Everyone else in the movie theatre had to pay to come watch this movie as well. If you want to get up and move around the theatre, or worse just stand-up and not move, then just wait for the DVD to come out.

A: I know some theatres have little leg room between the back of the seat in front of you, but if you're continually kicking my seat then you're either doing it on purpose or you need to find a comfy position and stick with it. Same goes for grabbing the back of my seat when you get up to go to the bathroom. That's plain rude. As for getting up and walking around the theatre like you own the place,  I seriously don't understand that one. Have you never been to a movie before? Are you unaware that there are other people trying to watch a movie? Sit down and watch with us or go out in the lobby where you're free to walk around as much as you please.

S: Phones these days are super bright. When you bring them out and and start surfing the web or texting with someone, everyone can see the light from your phone. It's distracting, especially if you keep putting your phone away and taking it back out! If, for whatever reason, you do need to look at your phone at least be courteous enough to either hide it down at your side or to have changed the brightness of your screen. We should all know how to do that.

A: The most egregious example of this happening in a movie we saw was when I took Sarah to finally see The Dark Knight Rises. A group of four teenage girls was sitting to our right and not only were the constantly talking and giggling (which we'll get to) but at one point the one closest to us, about three seats down, took out here iPhone and started surfing the web. At one point she turned her phone in a way that the light was shining right in my face, so I had no problem turning to her and saying, "Excuse me. Please put your phone away," as stern as I could. Yeah she gave me a look (even though she was wearing SUNGLASSES, no wonder she needed the screen so bright) but she put it away for the rest of the movie.

5: TALKING THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE (i.e. reacting verbally to everything, talking above a whisper during the movie, holding conversations with the people around you about anything but the movie yes we can hear about last night's date)
S: Again, THIS IS NOT YOUR LIVING ROOM. The message at the beginning of the trailers isn't a suggestion. Movie theatres are built to carry sound throughout the whole space. So even when you're talking out in the back, the sound carries. We can hear you and we didn't pay $10+ to listen to you talking about how your date with Johnny Quarterback went!

A: Likewise, if you are confused about what's happening on-screen and need to ask questions to your movie-going partner, either ask it in a whisper or wait until after the movie is over. When we saw Lawless the other day there was a couple in the row in front of us that WOULD. NOT. SHUT. UP. The woman repeatedly had to ask the man questions about what just happened or had to make a comment about film. An example, "Oh he did NOT just shoot him!"

Listen, a movie theatre is a public place. There is an inherent, unspoken understanding that we all came to watch this movie and we're going to do as little to bother everyone else so we can all enjoy the film. If we can hear every word you're saying, if you're doing things that constantly distract us from the film or even make it hard to hear/see the movie, that's a problem and we WILL complain to management. We hate to sound like prudes or come off as holier-than-thou, but are we wrong about any of this? Let us know what you think, readers! Is there anything we may have missed that people do at movies that bugs the heck out of you?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Flushing Our Money Down the Toilet is More Entertaining: Our Review of "Cosmopolis" (2012)

Directed By: David Cronenberg (A Dangerous Method)

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Paul Giamatti, Juliette Binoche, Samantha Morton

Rated: R for some strong sexual content including graphic nudity, violence and language

Run Time: 1 hour, 49 minutes

Synopsis: Billionaire asset manager Eric Parker (Pattinson) wants to get a haircut, so he rides in his limo all day and night while he holds business meetings and sexual affairs…all while losing billions because of a colossal mistake he made. Because of this and various threats throughout the day his life begins to unravel.


Andrew: Hello readers! Last night we went with a couple of friends to a movie theatre in Hartford that shows independent films and caught a showing of David Cronenberg’s latest, Cosmopolis. It stars Robert Pattinson (Twilight) as Eric Parker, a young, financial-whiz billionaire, and has some other recognizable names such as Paul Giamatti (Sideways), Juliette Binoche (Chocolat) and Jay Baruchel (Knocked Up).

But for the most part it’s JUST Pattinson and someone else (it changes throughout) riding in his stretch limo across Manhattan as he’s dead-set on getting a haircut on the worst day possible for numerous reasons.

Sarah: Amongst them are the President visiting the city, a protest riot breaking out, a dead rapper’s funeral procession and some threats out on Eric’s life.

A: Exactly. So this is one that caught our attention in a few ways – you saw some clips on Good Morning America, I saw the trailer online, we like Cronenberg’s other stuff such as the recent A Dangerous Method, and of course we were curious to see how Pattinson did in a sort of post-Twilight role.

So now that we’ve seen Cosmopolis what are your thoughts?

S: It was AWFUL. It was the biggest waste of my time I’ve ever experienced at a movie theatre. When I start breaking my own rules and bust out my phone just to stay awake or to keep myself from leaving the theatre? That’s about as low as you can get.

Readers, just so you know, the only reason I stayed and watched the whole thing was so we could do this review. That’s the ONLY reason I wasn’t like, “Dude, we need to leave.”

A: I completely agree. And first, apologies to Beasts of the Southern Wild because we thought THAT movie was pretentious and was making us fall asleep and wanting to walk out, it ain’t got NOTHIN’ on Cosmopolis. Holy crap.

I was honestly THIS CLOSE to getting up, walking out and saying I can’t take any more of this. Because not only was it boring to me but it was über-pretentious. Now, I know the film is an adaptation of a 2003 novel by Don DeLillo, so I’m sure a lot of the dialogue comes straight from the book or is adapted very close to it, but it’s just that the dialogue was either going over my head or was boring as sin because it’s about cyber-business and Pattinson’s Parker just blathering on about existential crap.

No, seriously, he gets a haircut. And the discussion between the barber and Pattinson's driver is absolute drivel about taxi driving. Ugh.

Seriously, when he just starts asking questions and his underlings always say they’re afraid he’ll no longer respect them because of their answer, or his repeatedly asking his wife to have sex, whom by the way, he JUST married and only because they’re both from rich families…just the whole thing is incredibly pointless. And readers, again, if you could tell us what you think of the movie and tell us what we were missing, I’m all for it. I’d love to know because I really wish we had our $22 back.

S: At least when we saw Beasts of the Southern Wild we were glad we had seen it because it was Oscar bait. Cosmopolis is not Oscar-worthy whatsoever. In my mind there was no point in making this movie. When movies are brought from book to screen and sometimes it’s a little rough but still kind of works? That’s ok. But Cosmopolis brought nothing worthwhile to the screen. It didn’t need to be made.

A: Now don’t get me wrong, I get the basic premise here. Parker is a rich…

S: Self-loathing…

A: Whiz-kid who has way too much money to know or care what to do with it because he’s always had it; he’s desensitized to life in general. So here he wants to go get a haircut all the way across town because why not? Ok…and he doesn’t care that it’s a crazy day, and oh look he keeps running in to his wife. And did you notice he only ever ran in to his new wife…

S: At meal times? Yeah. Stupid.

A: Exactly. Oh, and he has two threats out on his life, one that may be more serious than the other and when it gets right down to it the film turns into an analogy to the Greek myth of Icharus. How’s that? Because he flown so high in business but now can’t figure out the yuan and he’s losing billions in one day. Could it be any more heavy-handed?

So I get it. He’s falling from grace and couldn’t care less because it makes him feel “free.” It’s almost like the old Michael Douglas movie Falling Down, where it’s about a guy whose life is just collapsing and he doesn’t give a crap anymore and so he starts acting out in a very destructive way.

So I get it, but I agree with you, it was pointless. The ruminations going on throughout the film destroyed it for me. I get that Pattinson was probably perfect for the part because his bland delivery and icy-cold stare was perfect for his character, but it made for a terrible movie-watching experience.

S: Yes it did. It was just bad. It was so pretentious that it has probably blocked out 99% of the audience that has gone to see it in theatres. Any normal crowd that would go see this will probably get offended that it’s so difficult to understand or care about what’s going on on-screen.

A: Everyone on-screen just goes on and on and on…ugh. Now I’m not going to completely bash the film because there are a couple of things I did like about it. For example it looks great.

The secret to the meaning of Cosmopolis occurs just seconds after this scene. It's one of the few scenes worth mentioning.

S: The cinematography was very good. The camera angles were different and distinct, if a little too artsy at times, and the interior of the limousine was very cool.

A: So it looked good and then Paul Giamatti is the one bright spot as far as the acting goes. Probably because he’s just the best actor involved in the whole thing and kind of gave it a jolt at the end of the film, but even then he blathers on about some stupid stuff.

Ok, here’s an example of how bad the dialogue is - at one point in the climax of the film Pattinson has just purposefully hurt himself and Giamatti gives him some towels to stop the bleeding. It’s a shocking bit of action for a second, but then this exchange occurs:

Pattinson: “My prostate is asymmetrical.”

Giamatti: “So is mine.”

Pattinson: “What does it mean?”

Giamatti: “Nothing. It means nothing.”

And THAT, dear readers, is the movie in a nutshell. It all means NOTHING. Cosmopolis is trash and you couldn’t pay me to watch it again.

S: We’ll never see this film again. Don’t waste your time with it, even on a rainy day if it’s on the Independent Film Channel.

FINAL VERDICT: For the love of all that is holy, skip it!
(Out of Five clapboards)